Desperation and a Wake Up Call

We have been back in Prilep for almost a week. Thankfully, we are now all healthy and appear to be adjusted to the time change. It was an amazing trip that we will never forget (and that we will probably never do again). There are a ton of details on Maggie's blog about the big surprises in both Texas and Arkansas. The flights over were really hard because Maggie was pretty sick with a fever and a bad cold plus teething (she has her first tooth now!) The trip back was eventful too, but in a totally different way. Both Jeff and I got sick (Maggie did great, thank goodness). The 3rd leg of our journey home to Macedonia was heart-pounding- -the scariest flight of my life so far (and I have flown quite a bit over the years). It was a smaller plane and apparently there were some very strong winds as we descended that made the turbulence horrible. We weren't able to land safely, so the pilot took us up and circled around. During those minutes which seemed like hours, there was a lot of praying going on. Not only me, but people around us as well. Jeff was throwing up from the turbulence plus the fact that we both had stomach viruses (we would learn soon after). I was too scarred to be sick, holding Maggie so tight as she slept through it all. Honestly, I spent 2 weeks in Iraq and never felt the fear I felt on that plane that we weren't going to make it. When you are in a situation where your life feels threatened, you hope that you react a certain way. I can say that I prayed with more desperation than I had perhaps ever prayed. That made me feel so selfish and guilty. It made me realize that deep down I consider my life (and my families lives) more precious than others. It's human, I know, and most wouldn't fault me for it. But as a Christian who desires to put God first, others second, myself third, I realized in those moments that is not where my priorities stand. I realized that my prayer life (in the absence of desperate situations) pretty much stinks. I realized that it is easy to say "to live is Christ, to die is gain." It is another thing entirely to truly live it out. I want to live differently, to pray desperately, to love more, to stress less. I want to love Jesus more than I love this life. I pray my desires and good intentions would become realities this year. Thank you God for landing that plane and for giving me a wake up call.